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Posted by sophia - - 0 comments

Exude the peace of a tranquil beast
Scream like the quiet storm
Find hope in the dawn of fog
Warmth is just a breath away.

Welcome silence with open arms
Turn to the rain
There is nothing more comforting
Than the reality of pain.

The same blood that gives us life
Pours into death
Within the air that’s between us
Our hearts can be broken.

Soft is the soul that guards the mind
Weak and vulnerable is the one that turns from the night
But as if it were meant to be
Beyond all darkness there is  light.

Hold hands with uncertainty
Flirt with your paths
Dance towards your destiny
Let laughter be your song.

We all want to be wanted
We all need love
Cry to the one your spirit  yearns for
Don’t be deceived by your eyes.

Hope is a soaring bird
Let it spread its wings
Far into the clouds
garnished by the rays of spring.

Let the past be the fire
That holds the fear of today
Let your future be the urn
To cast it's ashes away.

Posted by sophia - - 0 comments

Hello... it's me again.

The previous post was the beginning of a deep period of my life.
Growing older.. watching everyone pair with others to grow older with...
I just wanted to have someone to love.. and be loved.
As relationships started spawning on my news feed and my friends start breaking off in pairs
I felt like the shy girl in middle school that didn't get picked to slow dance at winter formal

This image inked into my mind as my friends' relationships became engagements and marriages
I quickly grew paranoid.
I just wanted somebody.. just anybody to just be with me.
Slowly, I watched as my standards, my self respect, my values drift out my hands
Love became less mental and emotional, and more physical.
I settled for the worst.
I spent a year and a half just trying to make someone else happy.
My joy was all relative.
I felt like if I could just keep on just a little longer, I just might win.
I kept fighting against the reality. I grew weak in the hands of my depression.
Stuck in the corner of the ring I trapped myself with out a bell to ring in mercy.
But real love is no competition and I was too infatuated to care.
I just wanted something to hold on to, and I was holding on for my dear life.
My selfish emotions were my noose and my days were numbered in dollars signs
I was giving him everything I had just to be with me.
The more I tried to buy my way into love, the more I was shut out the the deceit and lies
Until everything went black.
And I was all there was.
I was alone. Right back where I started.
I have spent the last two years wanting to love someone and I forgot that I need to love myself.
Ive spent so much time living for someone else that I abandoned my spirit.

For the last month, I reintroduced myself to my soul.
she is lovely. She is proud. She is sensitive. She is powerful. She is wise. She is weak.
She is faithful. She is strong. She is woman. And I am in love with her. She is my best friend.
Spending time with myself has been so rewarding. I literally forgot the feeling of calmness
of just being to yourself. I abandoned myself for almost two years because I was afraid of being alone
when I could have been here for myself all along. This time alone is letting me gain a better understanding about what I would really want.
If I don't know what I want, how could anyone else know? I devalued myself so much to just want to have someone around,
now I need to take the time to know how I want to be treated, by respecting myself enough to
give me what I know I deserve.

The other part of my journey is forgiveness. I am neither mad or sad about any of my experiences during that time.
I have forgiven those who took advantage of me and forgiven myself for letting it happen.
Moreover, I apologized for the ones who genuinely cared and I let go.

With all that I am so thankful for this new step in clarity and depth in my life. I'm going to get back to Sophia now. She needs me ...Thanks for listening

Posted by sophia - - 2 comments

In search for the answer
In search for the key
It's more than a want, its a need for me to analyze and make sense of this....

In this greed I hastily try to pick up all the pieces of what's left of me
Save myself from the regrets that has prevented me from
Opening my passion
Like open heart surgery I gave you all I could
put it all on the table til I flat lined into this agony
Purely ironic 
 I should have known all along
As I watched all my truths bleed out before me
Dripping out with these sycapated lessons learned
Leaving a bloody trail to the murky pool of emotions I wade in.

These thoughts hang above my head like some omnious cloud
Shrewed as I try to shelter myself behind crude words
Crowding myself behind a facade to mask the hurt
But the rain keeps pouring on
and on , and on for days
Eroding the land beneath me,
Soaking it until I feel like I'm sinking
So my immediate reaction is to run away

5 miles
8.04 Kiliometers
26400 Feet
316800 Inches
10000 Steps
I still can't get you out my mind

I try and I try but I cant grap the next phase ahead without a whiplash

As the strings of my past hold me steadfast
Staring into your eyes
Thinking about that final kiss goodnight
Wanting to hold you tight
Wishing I could just push rewind and pretend that this isnt real
But the wheels cant move fast enough

They say memories help pass the time

But, It has been 8 nights.
192 hours
11520 minutes
691200 seconds
And I still want you here

How many more sleepless nights
How many more lonesome cries
Maybe this is all a lie and I'm blinded by a fog of regret.
Maybe because this truth is too large of a pill to accept.
This path before me is lined with shards of fear.
And I wish that you can lift me and take me "there"
With "there" being wherever you are.
I miss you, I want you, but I dont need this.

This cyclical motion of regret is grinding away at my patience as
I wait for you to understand that the

54 Gallons
432 Pints
6912 ounces of gas I spent to see you this past month "just because" was not in vain.
I just wanted to be near you
Knowing that at the end of the day at least one of your smiles was attributed by my affection
But somehow we shifted directions and  with each painful advance I hope that maybe these unanswered prayers will draw a conclusion
Perhaps this is all an illusion and this haze ahead of me will become reflective of more clarity
Maybe this is just a rarity
A one time occurance that will soon pass because
I feel like being ignorant to the situation
Imagining this is a breach to my reality and it shall not last.
But my guise can't remain its soldarity as we continue to cross paths

In search for the answer
In search for the key
It's more than a want, its a need for me to analyze and make sense of this.
But I guess I have to move on from this romantic postulate.  

Posted by sophia - - 0 comments

Lately I have been hearing things like:  "we haven't seen you in a while", "haven't heard from you in a while","what have you been up to." 

I've "been up to" a lot. I have been seriously making moves to start making all the things of my college experience move towards my career goal : to create a non profit organization. 

Barely over a month into this semester I chartered an organization on campus, and have 6 events in 5 weeks to (co)host. Also, I have been making major connections to use the contacts I have made in my personal en devours to use in the academic setting, then relating back the experiences from using them at different events to gage what works and what I would like to draw from all of this to apply later. 

So I haven't been in the immediate eye,but I have been making alot of things come together, and my actions are speaking more than my words can say. The events and the people that will be in attendance because of my work, will speak for itself. 

My large goal that I made this year was to get closer to God, and walk stronger in my faith. I went through a deep fasting period last year ( see previous posts), and I feel like though all the intense reading, reflecting, and praying, that I wanted to be more vocal about my faith. Not just by talking about my faith more openly, but letting my faith show through my good works as the Bible calls us to do. 

Whats funny, there are always those people who feel the need to try and shoot someone down when they have something good going for them. They are often people who have a bad history with a person that they feel the need to still hang on to. Their way of rationalizing their past mistakes, is to knock down any progressive or positive thing they do from that point forward, and feel the need to attribute that to some sort of bad perception of the past conflict. They are the kind of people who usually spend all day complaining about society, make tweets or facebook statuses that have a mediocre profound meaning usually surrounding a subject matter they know little or are too scatter brained to piece in a whole, but have nothing to really show as a tangible example or validation for these amazing proverbs the preach on. These people are known as HATERS. 

I really have to say, I love them. I really do. They provide an inverse affect to my motivation. The more I hear from HATERS, the more inspired I hear. The more things they complain about, the more things I know I'm doing right, and the less things I see them doing at all. 

So , I thank you. 


Posted by sophia - - 0 comments

Dating, is a complex and intricately designed form of courtship with very specific expectations by both parties, with hyper elusive guidelines and boundaries. 

Some religions and beliefs have made the courtship system have specific steps in an orderly process to make things somewhat uniform. Somewhat, providing a more defined grasp of that haphazard walk on the the thin lines  of shared emotions. 

Modern society has moved away from the traditionalist courtship theologies, and has sided more so on along the side of "self", everyone one chooses which best suits them. Its good, because more of the couples who are happy, are genuinely happy, rather than  just content. 

I agree, everyone should be genuinely happy with whom ever it is they decide to be with. I feel like dating is a mechanism driven to help narrow down the choices and help define who it is who should be "the one". But i dont think its fair to date around. 

Unfortunately, modern dating has made people date more in terms of "quantity". I feel like the more people a person dates, the more people the next girl/guy has to be compared to. Its a scrutinizing, and unfair balance.

I understand, if you touch a red burner on the stove once, you learn its hot, and thats it. No one needs to remind you of that. However, with the elusiveness of dating already predetermined, its hard to useless to use the the "if this, then that" method of comparison. 

I can see where someone is coming from where they "don't want to make the same mistakes twice" or "go through 'that' again", but, how can anyone be really sure? No two people are the same, its understandable to evaluate things this way in terms of the physical world, but its almost ignorant to evaluate emotions in the same manner. 

I feel like if you cant openly date someone with out comparing them to someone of your past, you're probably not over them.

The whole "quantity" thing.. I feel like expectations for dating have gone lower.I feel like my peers expect less from dating, so they don't put in as much effort or value it as much. I cant say I haven't feel into that hole before.. it wasnt fun. I appreiciate a man that really likes to get to know me for me, and like me for all I am and all im not, and value me as a singular person, and not so much by comparison.

One person I dated recently, I feel may be a victim of this. Everything I said or did, had an alternative question. For example, if I said something like "I'm tired, I'm going to go to bed", his response would be " Oh, so you  don't wanna talk to me then?". Or a better example " I need to call *insert male friends name here*" his response was "Oh, so that's your new boo?"  -__- really?

Its like he felt like everything I said, or did had an alternative motive other than the simplicity of the situation right in front of him. It makes me feel like, he attached general things I said, to specific moments of his past.  I feel like comparing people to others of ones past, makes simple things like this more complicated. Leaving two people to be less engaged and cohesive, therefore limiting the depth of the relationship, if it even gets that far. It really stunts the potential for growth because the other person already subconsciously limits the extent of how far the courtship can go by comparing it to something that was non-effective. 


Dating is so much more fun and exciting when you get to appreciate everything that person is, for YOU. Your ex, is your ex for a reason. Get over it, and move on. 




Posted by sophia - - 0 comments

A while ago there was  a twitter craze about a new zodiac sign, and it sparked some curiousity. I investigated and discovered that I fall under the new 13th sign : Ophiuchus. I find it to be fate as he first three letters are apart of the root of my name "soph", which translates to "wisdom". Here are some more traits I found


  • interpreter of dreams, vivid premonitions,
  • attracts good luck and fruitful blessings,
  • serpent holder, lofty ideals,
  • a seeker of peace and harmony,
  • doctor of medicine or science, natural-pathic,
  • adds, increases, joins, or gathers together
  • poetical, inventive nature, expanding qualities,
  • seeks higher education and wisdom,
  • overseer, supervisor of work,
  • fame - either grand, or completely misunderstood,
  • longevity, aspirations of healing the ills of man,
  • architect, builder, reaches for the stars, figuratively and literally,
  • tax assessor, or levys taxes,
  • astrological talents, intuitive, 
  • large family indicated, but apt to be separated from them when young,
  • the number twelve holds great significance, 
  • foresight and good fortune to benefit from hard times,
  • has secret enemies in family or close associations,
  • many jealous of this subject,
  • notable father, apple of father's eye when young,
  • high position in life expected [depending on aspects] highest fame and legend comes after death
  • feelings of granular, wise, genius mentality,
  • likes to wear clothing of vibrant colors, and plaids in particular,
  • receives the favor of those in authority.
I really like my new sign. And it explains a lot

#thatisall. #subtweet

Posted by sophia - - 0 comments

I'll be your guitar, I'll let you play my heart strings
Wind me up, to tone me down
so you can make my soul sing

Your hands bring a multitude of melodies
Leaving my body vulnerable so that you can envelope me
I hear the symphony swelling up inside of me
My cries resonates louder than a crack of lightening
Equally exciting as it is frightening
im so exposed yet so connected
so revealed, yet to protected,

My feelings cant help but be projected, so I scream.
Never new bliss like this existed outside of dreams.
View is so foggy from the steam
So we close our eyes to be driven by the passion.
Curiosity has got my obscurely yet securely fastened
on this roller coaster ride soaring tin the plethora of possibilities
Uncharted lands unfathomed galaxies

Until i snap back to reality when I hear your voice thunder
your grip gets tighter as I grow weaker
Your carried me to the submit and the mountain looks steeper
So you dive deeper
But not before I'm brought to my hands and knees
the feeling is so great that i plead
And I'm not sure if this is a blessing or a curse
And if both, which is first
because the climax approached and it felt so good it hurt
But the exhale conquered the tension, and we were at a tranquil state of ease
I let your eyes caress me until i drifted off to sleep ..

I'll be your guitar, Ill let you play my heart strings
Wind me up, to tone me down
so you can make my soul sing