Dating, is a complex and intricately designed form of courtship with very specific expectations by both parties, with hyper elusive guidelines and boundaries.
Some religions and beliefs have made the courtship system have specific steps in an orderly process to make things somewhat uniform. Somewhat, providing a more defined grasp of that haphazard walk on the the thin lines of shared emotions.
Modern society has moved away from the traditionalist courtship theologies, and has sided more so on along the side of "self", everyone one chooses which best suits them. Its good, because more of the couples who are happy, are genuinely happy, rather than just content.
I agree, everyone should be genuinely happy with whom ever it is they decide to be with. I feel like dating is a mechanism driven to help narrow down the choices and help define who it is who should be "the one". But i dont think its fair to date around.
Unfortunately, modern dating has made people date more in terms of "quantity". I feel like the more people a person dates, the more people the next girl/guy has to be compared to. Its a scrutinizing, and unfair balance.
I understand, if you touch a red burner on the stove once, you learn its hot, and thats it. No one needs to remind you of that. However, with the elusiveness of dating already predetermined, its hard to useless to use the the "if this, then that" method of comparison.
I can see where someone is coming from where they "don't want to make the same mistakes twice" or "go through 'that' again", but, how can anyone be really sure? No two people are the same, its understandable to evaluate things this way in terms of the physical world, but its almost ignorant to evaluate emotions in the same manner.
I feel like if you cant openly date someone with out comparing them to someone of your past, you're probably not over them.
The whole "quantity" thing.. I feel like expectations for dating have gone lower.I feel like my peers expect less from dating, so they don't put in as much effort or value it as much. I cant say I haven't feel into that hole before.. it wasnt fun. I appreiciate a man that really likes to get to know me for me, and like me for all I am and all im not, and value me as a singular person, and not so much by comparison.
Example:
One person I dated recently, I feel may be a victim of this. Everything I said or did, had an alternative question. For example, if I said something like "I'm tired, I'm going to go to bed", his response would be " Oh, so you don't wanna talk to me then?". Or a better example " I need to call *insert male friends name here*" his response was "Oh, so that's your new boo?" -__- really?
Its like he felt like everything I said, or did had an alternative motive other than the simplicity of the situation right in front of him. It makes me feel like, he attached general things I said, to specific moments of his past. I feel like comparing people to others of ones past, makes simple things like this more complicated. Leaving two people to be less engaged and cohesive, therefore limiting the depth of the relationship, if it even gets that far. It really stunts the potential for growth because the other person already subconsciously limits the extent of how far the courtship can go by comparing it to something that was non-effective.
Dating is so much more fun and exciting when you get to appreciate everything that person is, for YOU. Your ex, is your ex for a reason. Get over it, and move on.
thanks
-me
