@sophiacamille

I grew up as the Supreme Nerd Girl. I still am pretty nerdy. I was drum major in the band, apart of three academic groups, always on honor roll, and looked like the geek I was. I would provide pictures but I don't want to put you through that agonizing expirience.

So, I grew up. Things about me changed. I went from the girl being generally unnoticed, to actually wanting to date me. I wanted to be noticed so badly. It finally happend, and now, I'm kinda sick of it.

I realy don't want another guy to think that calling me pretty, showering me with any type of similar compliment excessivley will get any type of footage towards a relationship with me. Now, I am not saying I dont apprieciate the occasional compliment, however, attempting to adrorn me with typical banter and pickup lines that someother girl prolly heard just a few days ago.... not gunna work.  I just feel like if the only nice things a guy can say to me are on a physical basis then that means he probably doesn't care about much else anyways.

Compliment my mind. Talk to me. I like good converstation. I really apprieciate the guys that take the time to understand me and not just treat me as a lady should be treated, treat me like I (Sophia) should be treated. It makes such a huge difference.

I am working on the my ultimate love poem. This will be fore the man that will hold my heart. I don't know who he is yet, but I can't wait to find out.

I want him to make me feel like  this.......

This is a first. i have never written a poem directly in my blog. I normally write it in a personal journal and after a few days of editing, if i decide, to share it, it comes here.  Here is my unedited attempt to poetically respond to the story of this song with a little help of past personal expiriences. this is as raw as it gets. enjoy.

I have had enough.
 I'm tired of the tears.
I'm tired of the anger.
 I'm tired of being belittled and having my emotions tried
and my heart tied in a knot.
 as if I have forgot all the painful lies and sleepless nights where i cried way to a williowing clutter of confusion. 

We lack fusion and depth of a relationship is a far distant illusion.
We parted and never found a solution
 so were are just a solute with undissolved tension
I approach the next step with apprehension
I approach the next move with tactful words
because I know what hurt they bring
I know the magnitude of its power
as the fury rolls on


You say feelings are unjustifiable means of proof
but what happens when my feelings are true
When they're all about you and nothing makes more sense than the way I do and do not feel about you
I am in no means confuzed
In no way unsure
I've never been one to ever give up so this will be a first....


I'll move on to were all the worries are gone and I can live free in the comfort of a bright future.
where my soul can be housed in the hands of the deserving.
 with this I bid you adieu, but before I conclude
 i want to wish you all the best 
dont you forget
 I will always love you.

just a thought......


What really makes an individual "individualistic"?

Our ears are always flooded with these phrases - Be yourself, be unique, stand out, etc.


What doest that really mean? Why does it matter? Why should I care?

I dont believe this at all. We are a very self driven and cocieted society. "Daring to be different" is not anything new in the jist of it. There is not much one can do to be hailed as a revolutionary unless they do something the world has never seen, heard, or had the confidence to change. That is what makes people like Martian Luther King Jr. So revered. And even then, it still took the support of many to make such an impact. So to all of those futuristic nut huggin pants swaggin guys and "i wanna be a Barbie" girls out there, YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING SPECIAL. get over it.

We are all really quite the same.

Lets take a look at human anatomy. Or even further into the topic :genetics.
There are few genes ( around a dozen) that regulate the outcomes of our bodies. On those genes, there are extremley subtle differences that actually make us phyically and physiogically distiguishably different. For example one strand on one gene with differentiate one of the many factors that determine skin color. All of these differences are so slight that it if you were to compile all the differences between one human being to the next, we would be at least 90% the same. These slight differences in phenotype creates an increased chance for overlap, which is why there are people who have such similar qualities of the body internally and externally. ( ie why some people look alike and have the same diseases) The variation of these traits are sometimes expected more than others when comparing dominant and recessive genes, yet still the differences are slight. Some of these slight changes make large impacts, such as the single strand of variation that can cause a mulititude of different mental illnesses or physical disabilities. Physiologically we are really quite similar. We are all made of the same elements. All conisited of about 96% water, meet the same chemical needs for survival, forgo the same internal chemical reactions.


As far as psychological and social individuality, its more of a humanistic way to attempt to capture pride of one's self = FASHION. Even still the differences are not that varied or vast. Fashion is really just a long winded series of small changes to eventually make something "new" or "trendy". For example, people wanted to wear bell bottom jeans for long time, and they slowly gained lesser approval as fashion designers favored a more slim legged pant. So its still jeans and look practically the same until you compare the portion below the knee. Being "fashionable" in its self is just following a social norm, diminishing the thought of being unique. There may be pieces, items, or hair styles that are less common, yet still follow the social trends of the time for the most part.

There was a girl that was sitting in one of my classes. Her hair was so spikey I could barely see over the top of her head. I wanted to move seats, but there were no more seats left. I asked her if she didnt mind moving over to the left or right so that I could possibly see a little better. She refused, grew angry and proceeded to tell me how sick she was of people " not apprieciating her individuality". She felt like me asking her to move herself so that her head was out of my path of vision to view the notes on the board, was really a stand against her "self expression"....
SIGH

I really dont know how her spikey hair makes her more individualistic than the other gillion people that have spikey hair. And what does that have to do with me needing to see the board infront of me.



This pychosocial phenomena of individualism leads to a greater social force of nationalistic views. Having pride in ones self and people that they identify with is a great part of maintaining culture and heritage, however, I just feel like everyone's great desire to be "individualistic" is really jus tthe same persuit in a different facade. Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants their "uniqueness" to count for something. But if you strip everyone within a culture down to is minimalistic needs of staining qualities, we would all be the same really. Why not embrace those similarities instead of going through this constant differation and segregation?

The fact that we all have something that makes us "unique" is a quality. And the fact that we all share this quality is a uniform trait. 

so...

All those lines of division to create "fashion" is all from a consensus of interests anyways....  so why does it really matter?

just sayin


sophia camille

Hip Hop is as much as a musical movement as it is a literary stepping stone in the Black culture. Its a passionate testimony to the lives we live... the good and the bad. Our generation has grown up with it, and it will continue to nurture us as it provides the means of explaining what is otherwise socially inexplicable.

cheers




Feel my essense
hear my roar
Be the key that opens the door
to uncharted territories where I will soar
like a bird where boundries will be no more
Unleashed to spread the verbal fire
fruiting, endless is desire
Providing a new frontier
giving life
to the sweet and young melodies I hear

What power, such a voice, such a passion I see
What grief, what strife
All the stories to believe

Each one different and unique
and yet
They blend to become something like flesh and whole to me

Whether it is the b-boys, the big chains , and Kangol in blue
or the ice and slick forces

one thing remains true

No matter where you go or what you do

HIP HOP IS EVERLASTING....

inspiration provided by HIP HOP SAVED MY LIFE- Lupe Fiasco

Dear HATERS,

Confused of the crime
I allude to a time
where things were just so simple.
Dreams sang my song
the love never wrong
the truth never questioned
or thought of as a misconception
as long as the sun could rise and fall.

I have been crushed by the stones with my heart overgrown
from a secret cancer of fear
accumulated over the years
I never thought it would be something to heavy to hear
and thus,  I switched my gears

I let my soul cry

The water rained out of my eyes
flowed for days
God's way of soothing the pain
strength I have gained
the work has been a strain
but nothing will keep me away from that light at the end of the tunnel
which is so close I am starting to see the other side

Although I can never forget or make-believe
I smile
and try to make it seem as if the scars were never there
I guess there are some burdens that I will always wear
however my fire shall constantly glare

So as heavy as these chains maybe
and blinding my path may seem
just no I'm a great woman of power, just watch and see
I shall not falter or fall



a lot of people question my abilities, belittle my efforts, attempt to compromise my actions for their insecure, unproductive selves... just know, this is just my beginning. so stay tuned....

peace and love
sophiacamille
(perfectwisdom)

i heard this song today and it has been stuck in my head.. but im not complaining :)
it made me think about how far i have come and how far i will reach.
i did some more networking today, and my father had me sit back and refelct on all the people i have ment, the things i have done, and the goals i have set for myself.
he had me recognize that everything that has occured has happend for a reason

its just up to me to do something with it....

una nueva vida.- a new life.

Last week I recieved an annonymous message from a reader saying that I do not put enough heart into my writings and that my poems were vaugly descriptive. At first, I had the classic human response and I was offended. Then I really did reflect on what I read and now I can honestly admit: I agree. Im pretty emotionally reserved in person, so I my writings followed my personality.

My previous blog posting was for that special reader out there. I apprieciate you. Your critisism now has mostivated me to further strech my writing. This was a true challenge. I had to draw from alot of different situations and places withing my heart that I have left pretty covered. So I hope you enjoyed it.

So now, I am going to continue this literary momentum and see how things flow.Starting now...

So I am putting a halt on this whole dating thing... or at least there is a man that can do something so surmountable to have me convinced otherwise. ( try being honest about your feelings for once, just a thought) 

Ive been especially discouraged because of a statement made by a friend of mine. I was speaking with a him in regards to dating, and how I was clearly hurt by a recent dosage of "heart ache". His response was for me to date other guys at the same time, scatter my options, play different cards.

Some people pride themselves on "having game". Quite frankly, that is one area that I dont wish to excell.

Really people, think of all the people who boast about having game.... they are most likely SINGLE or ABOUT TO BE. just sayin.. ;o) things like that dont last if they ever start in the first place.

peace and love