Posted by sophia - - 0 comments

Im really annoyed.

There has only been one person who I can say broke my heart, and it has been years of back and fourth with this person. Trying to to learn to forgive him. But through the fast, I realized, I can forgive him without really needed to be with him or talk to him. And I haven't been happier since. 

Its not that I dont love him.. I really do. But its no fun having your heart taken advantage of and treated a way that I dont deserve. 

So right as things were going well for myself emotinally, he started to try and initiate contact with me again. And Ive had some weak moments. More than I would want. But in a nutshell, people will only change when they want to. And I really dont want to change or have someone change for me. We both have someone out there who will love us genuinly as we are right now. As we both progress in our lives, we may be able to be with eachother. But right now (as if the constant bickering, lack of consistent communication and/ understanding is enough proof allready) we cant be together. 

I really would like to just be his friend. We have changed alot over the years. Our values, our personalities, our interests. I feel like I dont even know him anymore, and that he doenst know me. We lack a dynamic chemistry. We both have the habit of wanting to emotionally capture the feelings respective to the prime of our past relationship, when we have so far deviated from our old selves. We are not the same people. And there is no point in trying to mold ourselves into someone who isnt who we are at heart.

These are all some obvious arrows pointing to why we cant and should not be together right now, or even entertain the idea.  Im loosing ways to explain this too him, and everytime I do try, he has a hyper release of testosterone and runs away. Which doesnt flow well with my emotions either. 

So Im taking each action and inaction  from him into account, and continuing to move on in my life not expecting anything from him, and not requiting any actions or respect I didnt not recieve in the first place. So in other words, I'll make a judgement on where my heart should be by observing his actions. So due to the fact that his actions are doing nothing at all to be positively emotionally stimulating, I dont feel obliged to do anything about it. :)

So enough with the rambling.