@sophiacamille

Dating, is a complex and intricately designed form of courtship with very specific expectations by both parties, with hyper elusive guidelines and boundaries. 

A while ago there was  a twitter craze about a new zodiac sign, and it sparked some curiousity. I investigated and discovered that I fall under the new 13th sign : Ophiuchus. I find it to be fate as he first three letters are apart of the root of my name "soph", which translates to "wisdom". Here are some more traits I found

I'll be your guitar, I'll let you play my heart strings
Wind me up, to tone me down
so you can make my soul sing

Your hands bring a multitude of melodies
Leaving my body vulnerable so that you can envelope me
I hear the symphony swelling up inside of me
My cries resonates louder than a crack of lightening
Equally exciting as it is frightening
im so exposed yet so connected
so revealed, yet to protected,

My feelings cant help but be projected, so I scream.
Never new bliss like this existed outside of dreams.
View is so foggy from the steam
So we close our eyes to be driven by the passion.
Curiosity has got my obscurely yet securely fastened
on this roller coaster ride soaring tin the plethora of possibilities
Uncharted lands unfathomed galaxies

Until i snap back to reality when I hear your voice thunder
your grip gets tighter as I grow weaker
Your carried me to the submit and the mountain looks steeper
So you dive deeper
But not before I'm brought to my hands and knees
the feeling is so great that i plead
And I'm not sure if this is a blessing or a curse
And if both, which is first
because the climax approached and it felt so good it hurt
But the exhale conquered the tension, and we were at a tranquil state of ease
I let your eyes caress me until i drifted off to sleep ..




I'll be your guitar, Ill let you play my heart strings
Wind me up, to tone me down
so you can make my soul sing

Just a thought... 

Its a unbalanced subject, that is clothed in terminology with two total different meanings, but are somehow used interchangeably.

To me, black consciousness is more of "cultural awareness". Meaning, knowing your roots, expressing your culture and sharing it with others. Black pride, if used in its polar view, can practically be synonymous with "racism". Its evoking a sense of pride in saying that one culture is better and more affluent.

I feel like it is important to know who you are to have a sense and a purpose behind your goals. I equally feel like it is important to be very proud of these things as well.

The "n" word, to me lies on this balance beam. Some people use the term freely as they feel that it lies within the parameters of "dialect", in a more of a "black pride" view. Others, on the black consciousness view, may see the "n" word, as something no one should use, given the basis of its origins.

Is either side right?

The conflict between the usage of this term has made the black pride vs black consciousness dispute even more polar sided. Its interesting to see how one term can divide a man against man... WHAT'S THE SCENARIO!?


just a thought,
@sophiacamille

On my way home I realized something: the moon is a perfect symbol of my life .



I have a lot of things that have taken a toll on me withing my lifetime thus far, however, as the moon still stands whole with its multitude of craters, I too still remain in my entirety, well rounded no matter how much things have changed. All of the experiences I have had, have shaped me into the unique person I am. I just revolve in my own orbital living in sync with my own necessities and clearly aware how my actions affect my self and others.

The moon shines greater than any star in the sky. Its larger and more recognized as the stars are just fiery balls waiting to implode on themselves. I am finding this comparison reflective of the relationship i have with some people in my life now. I never make a conscious effort to outshine or outdo others for the sake of selfish self gratification, but my accomplishments of just helping others, and embracing the gift of humility that comes from it, has allowed me to not have to work so hard to be noticed. People notice me for what I do, not who I am. People who focus more on who they are, normally get really heated and worn out and eventually give up on whatever it was they were attempting to recognized for.

This doesn't mean that I am not proud of my accomplishments. I have no problem of saying so. I really am happy for all that i have done, but I am more happy knowing that my accomplishments have helped more people than just myself.

So as I am venturing on for the rest of my senior year, I am proud to move on in my process to become a member of a service sorority of like minded girls who care about maintaining a life time commitment of  helping others, and have a sense of pride in doing so.  We all have been shaped and uniquely unified into one well rounded unit, and like the moon, outshine the self centered individuals who wish they had a heart like ours.


just a thought,
@sophiacamille

If we all ask this question a little more, I can assure your thoughts will be more collected and your mind more rested. We often spend a lot of time spinning a movie reel in our minds of past occurrences, trying to make sense of the feelings that developed within the situation and trying to decipher the thoughts another person or others involved had. But how can we honestly move on from a situation, when we are busy thinking about what happened within it at a non-relevant time? How can we really forgive a person, if we devised our own assumptions on their unrevealed thoughts. 


We spend entirely too much trying to make sense of the things that are unknown.


For the things we really cant figure out, we apply a sense of fear. "Fear of the unknown" sounds very cliche but it is very true. We hold grudges and get defensive over things that are beyond our control or really dont need to be controlled in the first place. Our lives are an every changing kaleidescope of experiences, but the one thing that make them easier to live with is recognizing patterns and applying them. 


Our lives are entirely shaped by patterns that are learned and discovered though an array of different experiences. Most of the patterns we discover are intentional, repetitious, and can be willingly recreated. For example: talking, walking, writing, etc. These are all examples of things we have learned how to do through practice and experience and they have helped us to adapt to different things like holding a conversation and running. Each action has its own respective purpose. We learn to walk so we can run. We learn to talk so we can learn to relate. But what do we do about bad experiences?




The common thing to do when in a bad situation, is to just "forget about it".  Not to say that anything that causes stress should be avoided, however, why go through something and not identify its purpose?


Seeing purpose in the results of bad situations,relationships, and experiences,has let me see the character ive gained and the lessons learned. 


 Observing purpose in all I do has let me move past a bad situation knowing that, no matter how much I may think I lost, I gained a unique experience that can be used to relate to someone else. I gained character, and I gained a lesson learned. It makes a huge difference to keep your mind sharpened in this particular way so that when you reflect on the past bad relationships you have, your thoughts will be more oriented among positive and progressive thoughts. 


So in conclusion, if you want to better understand people, start to evaluate them by their purpose. People have played a roll in your life whether it was good or bad. It has shaped you in some way. If you cant think of a way that they have benefited you and you dont think you can gain any type of knowledge from the situation or person... move on.




Its really just that simple 




and just because, here is some robin thicke

He said he is going to love me

Three years ago, I would have heard this song and not cared due to not having a means to relate to it
One year ago, I would have been crying my eyes out at just hearing its melody.
Two months ago, I would have loathed the thoughts that came to mind as I reminisced though its words
But now.. I feel like I this song reflects the view as I look at my life from the greener grass on the other side.

I used to twirl in the "what could be's" and the "what if's" like obsessing over old news was going to somehow make a difference.
The instrumentals of this piece weave a fabric of passion that is equally aggressive as it has an upbeat tempo, but soft as it has the muted brass and the strings in the counter melody., illustrating the fervor and its counterpart of affection. The bass and the drums setting the pace... symbolizing the inevitable passing of time progressing to something and gaining further substance with each step.... And the electric and acoustic guitar along with the piano unfolding the running solo of the piece showing how two unique feelings can blend into unison.....

The words of the song are a mere reflection of my heart now. It is in effect equal, but opposite. I am the same person to the extent of my superficial personality, but my heart has changed. My core has changed. Its been totally washed clean with the love of Christ. I don't see sadness or despair, I see my journey... away from the issues that kept me so grounded in a non productive way, and towards something much farther, and much higher... I recognize how those things that affected me in my past only paved my way to where I stand now...


I cant tell you how great the view is

Im really annoyed.

So used to have this bad habit. I used to feel like I had to be in a relationship. I felt like there was some type of value in being "attached" to someone. I went through life generally unnoticed until college. I craved attention for so long, and when I got, I made the "want" become a "need".

Everytime I dated someone or got interested in someone, things fell through for whatever reason.  You think after a while I would have got the picture....

I kept doing the same thing, and expecting different results. I was dating in denial...

I learned more about relationships when I took the step to intentionally be single. During my fast, my eyes and heart opened to alot of new perspectives on dating.

Here is a scenario where my altered perception was put in action.

One week, I receive a phone call from a good friend. He tells me he met a girl at a party two weeks ago and he felt like they had a good connection. He asked her out to dinner to get to know her better. By the end of the date, he felt like they had an even better connection. They continued to do things together for the next week and a half, and thus, my friend began to pursue her , assuming that day they were starting to date. And by that next wednesday, my friend tells me, the girl said she would rather just hang out with him as a friend and does not feel the connection....

The next week thursday, this same friend says that he emails another girl he has been very close to a love note. He admitted to having a keen interest in her for quite sometime, and wanted to know if she felt the same way.  The very next day, he contacts me in a somber voice and basically says that the girl feels the same way as the last girl did. In defense and in attempt to convince her otherwise, he told her of all the things he did to show her love and appreciation and how much more he wanted to be there for her. He told me he was  "upset but not hurt".

The problem with both of these situations is the thing that makes most dating situations fall apart before they even begin. Thinking that there is some sort of signal or action flare that can go up to alert someone of a potential relationship is the BIGGEST lie we all have bought into, are buying into, or will, if you havent allready.  There has to be a foundation: true friendship.  A relationship is an intimate friendship, so it seems pretty backwards to have a relationship, then try and get to know each other later.

The second problem is having a predetermined intentions to gain a particular response of, in this case, to cater to his self interest. My friend felt like, but doing certain things, not only will he get to know the person better, but he's good deeds will add up to "brownie points", therefore, making some sort of tangible value to why that person should have interest. But, to be frank, no one can MAKE someone gain interest in another person. My friend said he even gave her money for her car note and phone bill.,,,, And the letter was to symbolize how serious he was about his feelings. Before the letter, she interpreted the actions my friend made towards her as a display of friendship, because that is what he said it was and they had a mutual understanding. He sends her this letter, and suddenly expects her to change her mind  when nothing has really changed between them... He felt like a letter would change it all. That only works in the movies.

The third big hit, is being hurt by rejection. I dealt with it before. And it was rough the first time, and I vowed never to let it happen again. It doesnt make me cold or heartless, but sensible. When you emotionally expose yourself, your are susceptible to a positive or negative response which have a equal likelihood. So its really just about accepting whatever happens. So when he said he was upset, but not hurt... i called his bluff. Him being upset showed it stirred him emotionally and being hurt showed that he internalized a negative reaction. Had he just accepted it as a simple outcome, it would sever the possibility of being crushed.

And lastly, there is great power in knowing how to walk alone. My friend juggled between relationships because he was not content with himself as he was. Two people are complete as two whole people. It would make no sense to be able to only give half of yourself to another person. A real relationship consists of two people who are equal in depth and and whole in their manner.

Its all about waiting for that right person to come along, instead of adjusting relationships in with a particular intent in mind. Dating is for little kids. Adults build relationships.

So i pray that as time goes on, my friend will eventailly find that special someone, and well,   I hope I do too

I have come to a fork in the road on my walk in faith. 

As a society,
We forfeit our power to the authorized heroes
Pay our respects to their checks by adding zeros
To puff up their pockets and gloat in their egos
the id likes to fib and send destruction with a crossbow
Took one to the chest from the redneck: that was a death blow

They're making hell on earth like there's no heaven for the Negro.

Streets governed by the monopolized status quo
No room for the college educated man with an afro
Restrict the market. Control the outflow
Silently wishing that the clinching will make the competition out grown.
Rebuke the conspirator. Label him a psycho
Ruin his name, slander his game, then label him a sideshow.
Taking advantage of the ignorance to increase the cash flow
Self proclaimed to publicly acclaimed. Merciful to shallow

They're making hell on earth like there's no heaven for the Negro

His role model's Hitler and his best man was Castro
Learned from the best on how to manipulate the people so
No one can dispute or inquire on the info
Passed a number, put in line, sent home to the ghetto
Waiting to be saved but the promises were a no show
They grind to compensate, but are chased down by the po po

They're making hell on earth like there's no heaven for the Negro.

Progress found its match when it took a step off the plateau.
The greats collect their tears to wash off their limos
The owners of the banks use the cash to stuff their pillows
Get a man stuck on crack so he can buff shine the windows

They're making hell on earth like there's no heaven for the Negro

Stifle the mind. Hold em back with a lasso
Deep rooted corruption down. Down to the marrow.
Unanswered cries like a broken winged sparrow
Its like a bottle neck towards success with the  range being narrow
Niggas balance all they have with each deal on a kilo
Reaping the benefits from everything between the babies and the widows

They're making hell on earth like there's no heaven for a Negro.

Knock out the playgrounds. So where can the kids go?
Can't go to school when all the teachers are out on furlough
Money went to supply a no cause war with ammo
Whiplashing to the wars in the streets on the down low
Making martyrs out of hustlers, lst Lady is his prime hoe.
Can,t really blame them when this is the life they have always known.

They're making hell on earth like there's no heaven for a Negro.

The intellectually alert left to stand solo
in the muck: a bi-product in which the pseudo kings wallow
These thoughts may really be too much to swallow
The truth is a large pill, but fulfillment will soon follow
Open up your mind let the enlightenment get its airflow

Put on your cape Negro
Be your own hero.

just for laughs

WHACK RAPPER

he's a whack rapper, booty tapper , fame chasing thug
he's a mean muggin, back stabbin, poser faced bum
hustled to his death
left to lay in the corner
lights were flashing so bright
left him blind now its over

he rhymed about the green
ryhmed about the fashion
didnt care about anything unless it made money and left his greed securely fastened
had a about 3 million to go around to conver up his wrongs
and other 5 mil. for someone else to write his songs
that he lipsyncs on stage and the girls throw their thongs

he used to be in the game with his boys
but sold his boys for the game
he figured that friendship was worth nothing comapred to the dollar signs and fame
unaware that hes still of the same flesh and nothings really changed
swears he's invincible
unaware that he's vain

he cant stunt but he sure can front
from the burbs but tell the world hes from the hood
says he wants the kids to be safe but wont inspire them with any good
tells them to put their guns up and shoot as many as they could
knowing he never held a gun and prolly never would

it was all over before it even began
he liked the girls with the glitter lashes plump lips and the spray tans
he wanted them with the ones with the wigs or look like their from distant lands
he wanted them on their knees and knowing how to use their hands
mouth not used to talk but blow as hard as they can

and those girls were fast
tried as hard as they can to catch his attention
not for his affection but just to add to their collection
tally up all the famed up nigggas they had blastin
unaware that with every persuit they were pushing their dignity towards its casket
but he kept them all waiting like all their eggs in a basket

things went away as quick as it came
like a deer in headlights in a rush hour traffic
the greed hit him so hard he didnt see what happened
but it happens when the passions lost from the sound
eventually put back in the place where you were found
the money was a bitter sweet chaser to his flask of wrongs
left the die in the hands of the ignorant that bumped his songs

he's a whack rapper, booty tapper , fame chasing thug
he's a mean muggin, back stabbin, poser faced bum
hustled to his death
left to lay in the corner
lights were flashing so bright
left him blind now its over


5 STaR CHiCk

i see you poser girl
trying to be the poster girl
i hope you open your eyes and one day see the world
is not wrapped around your yaki store bought curls

she was tore up from the toe up
but she swore she was down
the had on enough bling to light about five whole towns
enough makeup to cover the faces of over ten clowns


she swore her her 6 month old synthetic hair was still rockin
but it was knockin
enough knots to hit like a sock with some rocks in it
she had the reputation at the fast girl and there was no stopin it
as long as there were poor souls still chasin it
shed keep running through the ish till she tripped with ther face in it

she wears her pants like tights
and her tights like skin
so the camel toe shows and her pelvic line grins
that the ratchet mess she looks like should seriously be a sin


nails look like rakes with a french polish design
ask her how many piercings she has, she side she stoped keeping track past nine
and the placement of them would be something for the seeker to find
personally i'd suggest you to forget it and lie
say something like im cripple and blind



she saw image on tv so she thought it was cool
nikki minaj was a maraje of the fatale that she vibed to
first name baribe
last name trick
twitter name something something bad b*tch
middle name on facebook changed every week and described the same thing
got the same name made out on her four finger ring

she awed over the hustlers
praised the whack rappers
didnt care if her five mintues of fame was just for them to tap her
praying that the pregnancy test say positie postive right after
so she can see him in court and live happily ever after

i see you poser girl
trying to be the poster girl
i hope you open your eyes and see the world
is not wrapped around your store bought curls






I have to dedicate this post to a very good friend, Angele Karen. We have had some really awesome conversations about current urban culture and they have definitely sparked the inspiration for what was described here.

And, yes, I know these poems are not exactly the regular language of my poetry, but its fun to shake things up a little bit. :) hope you enjoyed it!

">NOW CLICK HERE! .... LISTEN AND VIBE

When the going gets tough it only gets tougher


Day Two

All I can say is, Satan, you are hilarious. Really.

The drama he threw at me was ridiculous. I woke up to drama went to sleep with more drama. But the difference between today and the time before the fast is, that today, I provided the reaction I wanted to give, not the one they expected.

I also thought it was funny that right as I state I don't want to date, I get five messages from some guys who do. If you are that guy or were thinking about being that guy, please understand the answer is no. I was just really shocked how these guys know about what I am now trying to do with my life and they are trying to maneuver their way into my spiritual path. A man should be spiritually motivating, not distracting. And I need to stay spiritually focused and avoid deviating.


Day Three

I need to really focus on LETTING GO.

I am a huge person of pattern. When I recognize a pattern, I observe it, evaluate it and store it as a later point of reference. Which is as equally a good thing as it is a bad thing. It limits my ability for open observation, therefore restricting my views. Its pretty much creating a whole lot of multi situated prejudices. I really have to focus on isolating what those things are and really praying them out of my mind and clear my soul.

Prelude

So after the amount of anger that I had stored up inside in reference to the previous post in regards to my expirience and some people that I know, I have decided to go on a fast with frind of mine.

We took an entire semester to study the book of Hosea, which explains the cons of "idol worshiping" as well as what means. We realized as the main idol in our life is: dating.

I love being in relationships, I love the feeling of having someone there. However, I don't like that I am still so broken from the past, I dont like seeing my friends broken about their present dating situations, and I really dont like having to worry about the future of my love life.

I made a choice to anymore a long time ago. There is only one person I know that can fill that spot in my heart, and I want to keep it as clean and pure as I can.


Me and my friend created some fasting braclets that we will wear for an entire month. This will be our daily reminder that we need to keep focused on God. Everytime we deviate our focus awayfrom God to thinking about bad relationships, we read a Bible verse, write it down along with some of our thoughts and say a prayer. Eventually the number should dwindle to zero by the end of this fasting.


So please readers, if you could provide your prayers during this time it would be much apprieciated.



Day 1

Its now 7:39PM. I have had 7 "moments". My biggest source is that my friends are all going through some relationship problems, which makes me reflect on my past, and I want to get past that. Those things were responsibile for 5 of the "moments". The other two,were some long stemmed drama notes of my own.

But during my prayer time, God said it was time to remove this stone. He reminded me that I was looking for a stong man to depend on in my life, and I have been so selfish to forget. My father. My father really is the best man in my world. I want to have a man in my life that reminds me of my father,and I know that there is one who can.

He his smart,poised, confident, respectful... a true gentleman. He treats my mother as a queen, he is always there for his family, sacrifices for us, makes sure he knows we are loved.


My father notices when there is something wrong with his daugthers, and has noticed something was going on without me saying a word. He provided the intervention I needed, bringing clarity to the situation.


I could type on forever about all of this, but in the end.... I have seen some guys come into my life and seen some guys come into my friends life. THey are all not perfect. But there is always a perfect match. No one, man or woman should settle for less. You know you are in love when you can accepta person for all they are and are not, however, there is no reason that you should try and mold them into what you think is "ideal".

I have the habit of trying to set aside what is reality to try and frame what is my fantasy in my head, to make this person the "perfect match" when they are in actuality , very far from it. There is no legit reason for me to want to persue a relationship with a person like that. period.

but as for the "perfect match".... :)

Thanks for reading

Here is an old spoken words joint, put in writing for  special friend to hopefully have a wakeup call

love you


Three years. Three years in an aweful long time to know somone relative to my age. Three years is between one sixth and one seventh of my lifetime. Three years as my friend. And you think after three yeears of having someone lie to you, you would eventually walk away. No. Unfortunatley after three years, you seek further attachment while there really is no reason to hold on. And the lies, those three years of lies, have piled up to the point where I dont even know what is real anymore. And after three years, it hurts more each second. Three years of being picked up and smacked down. Three years of being cursed at. Three years of being used. Three years of being pushed to limits that I didn't know existed. Three years of swallowing my pride so that the other's will trample over me. Three years of  being "the other option"

And what is funny is watching their reaction. When I confront him about these lies (three years of lies) he gets defensive, he gets rash, and uncontrolled. Unaware of the pletora of things I know. Unaware of everything he thinks I have no clue about. Look out fool, secret is out the bag.


But, to a small extent, I take this as a compliment. You play around with the other girls and come right back, ( eventually) as you know that I am really the best woman that has or will cross your path and if you dont keep your act together ( or rather, your lies in wraps) ill be another memory of your past that you will spend your whol future trying to replace

Well, I'm done with the race. Man, you're just too "fast".

Today starts a new life time with out this headache, without this heartbreak,without  these tears. I dont know how or if I will ever love again. Or live withot the fear atttached to it, but alas, I am free from the shackles of this undeserving person who is now my past.

I have alot of friends and associates who continue their life with a lack of direction. I know its a harsh things to say, but really what is so surmountable and grand about getting mindlessly drunk and or high every weekend. What positive life skills does that enforce? How will this help someone else? How is this not immature?


They all use the same means of justification: You're only young once, so why not get 'all this out my system'.

It's so stupid. They all thrive and strive for these short periods of gratification from drugs, alcohol, even bad relationships. They are all worthless. The misuse and abuse of these things over time, creates a dependency. As it seemingly forms a value system in their life, you see them compare themselves to their next high and their next level of drunkenness or the next dude/girl. Their 'need' for their wants creates a disoriented matrix, so that the basic humanistic things they really need ( esteem, real love...) become a dream and a distant unrecognizable phenomenon.

I used to be that person. I wanted to party and be cool be seen. Unaware that I was conversely shacked by my lifestyle that was soon to be degenerable. There was no uniformity, nothing was ever consistent. My happiness was totally relative to the next group I could be cool with. The next party. The next scene. Constantly wanting a quick fix of fun to cling on to, just to keep my afloat and distract myself from my brokenness. Unaware as this mechanism for 'fun' degenerates, they will too.

I feel bad for my friends who are still wrapped in this cycle. Especially my fellow women. More times than none, if they are going to a party, and have this sort of fun I speak of, its not just about the self gratification, its to gratify some other dude.

But this whole excuse of doing things like this while we are young is limiting the future. Things that start well, usually end well. So why limit your success? We are adults. Why wait until something bad happens to start owning up to it? We are not invincible...

This past weekend, a young woman at my college passed due to drunk driving. It breaks my heart that she had to die from something so preventable.

I am not saying that we cannot have fun. But why not do something that has an everlasting value? Why make your happiness relative?

What can be simultaneously multidimensional and known as one word?
Equally dangerous as it is soothing?
How can it be so universally known and signify a story of its own?
What force makes all emotions sewn in a kaleidoscope of passion?
What is an experiences un-unique to all?
What glistens with humility?
What are the strongest means of communication to express my emotions
They are able to say what my words can never tell
Sink the heart to its depths of affection
And bring the mind to the climax of the respective sensations...



…Tears
 
 
I am not afraid to cry. When I cry, my heart and mind are liberated. Tears have been apart of our lives from the time we took our very first breath out of the womb. So why be ashamed?  I dont apprieciate people telling others not to cry about their emotions... especially when it is the most naturally humanistic way of doing so...
 
That's like telling someone not to live.
 
 
Tune in and vibe out
 
 
 

This blog entry was supposed to be this grand "tell it all" of everything that has been on my mind this week. I began to write it and had a bout of "deja vu", so I paced back some entrys and saw that everything that I am feeling wierd about now, I somewhat went through previously between September and December. And I am not trying to be repetitive. I mean, they are not entirley the same situations, in fact, some far from it. However, that nawing sense of uncertainty that plauged my attidude on life is back.

I have a problem for taking things as they are. I like to ensure sucess with things by surrounding situations with all the postive reinforcement I can. I realized, somethings are inevitable. Alot of situations are blossoming, while others are somewhat crashing (thats a light description), and its hard to say what the outcome will be. I feel like I cant handle any more dissappointment, but there is really no way of preventing whatever way these situations fall.

Im finding my tolerance intolerable. Im getting pretty tired of compensating the things I need for the things others want.

so before this becomes a rant

peace

another poetic freestyle of the mind and soul inspired by...






I once sat down when the sun was bright and the sky was blue
and I told myself should write a poem about you.

I was having trouble describing the beauty of your eyes to its deserved perfection
with the intensity of lighting that proceeds the deepest of thunders
How they say everything without you saying a word
How one look seems to spark all my nerves
and unwind my thoughts to end me sailing to cloud 9
with one wink

Writing a poem like this is not as easy as one may think
I had difficulty describing your lips
which are soft like velvet
smooth like silk
and when they touch mine

I melt
while the substance of me glides into your indescribable hands
who's feel has housed arousing travels into distant lands of
twin mountain peeks
a wet abyss
and rained a raging fire
and if I were to travel higher
I would find a marvelous tower
that deserves a poem of its own

But really your hands...
fit so perfectly along each and every one of my curves
Im not so sure if its a blessing of a curse for your feel to feel this great
for my yearnings and desires to be ignited with such passion with one gentle stroke across my cheek
leaving me motionless and unable to speak

I love your laugh...
and to contextually paint its picture
it would take a lifetime and a half to illustrate the happiness that protrudes through its every rise and fall
the bliss of your laugh
kisses my ears and brings the kind of joy that makes angels sing.
Yes your laugh is a glimpse of heaven.

And when the gates open
I am acquainted by your kiss
there is nothing more deservedly indescribable as this
your kiss makes all still
I forget about the past
unaware of the present
and I mentally glide through the anticipation of each second your mouth dances with mine in the future
I cant think of a phrase to give light to the way your kiss lifts my heart to a state of tranquil ease as it
lays soundly in the comforts of your soul

yes...,

I want to write the most beautiful poem for you
but I only know there are only three words that will do and have timelessly stood true

I love you.

I’m content with the way things are


Im not satisfied with the way things are going

I feel trapped in between hate and love

And im not sure how to get out of this thicket of annoyingness



I’m stressed by the what could have beens

And motivated by what could be

But why keep moving on

When there may not be a purpose of continuality



I lack the courage to let go

But the thoughts consumes my mind

I could always go the easy way

And wait for you to walk away

But really at the end of the day

I cant stand being alone



I’m content with crying

But I’m not satisfied if you’re not here to wipe the tears

Like a moth to a flame

And cant escape the obvious blame



We have tried so many times

Things all result in just the same

I have kept my mind open

But my heart closed shut

Probably the resaon why were stuck in this rut



I’m content with who I am

Not satisfied in “we”

I have to break up with you

You and I can never be.

Sophia Camille = Perfect Wisdom
This is the translation of my name. Sophia means wisdom. Camille means perfect.

I don't by any means feel like I have or ever will meet this level of insight, however,I do always strive to observe things for its higher meaning.

The translations of these names are traditional interpretations, but its kind of interesting to think about how society has adapted their own meanings different names over time and they all become more and more relative.

So what better source to reference than urbandictionary.com

Here are the results


Sophia : Click here
Camille: Click here

Now some of these are really great and flattering, while others are well... clever.

Its bit  interesting to see what qualities and descriptions people came up with. I wonder what inspired them... And for the EXTREME results, what made them take it THAT far...
you should try it!

enjoy.
that femme fatale. with intelligence and beauty with the eyes of angels

:)

I grew up as the Supreme Nerd Girl. I still am pretty nerdy. I was drum major in the band, apart of three academic groups, always on honor roll, and looked like the geek I was. I would provide pictures but I don't want to put you through that agonizing expirience.

So, I grew up. Things about me changed. I went from the girl being generally unnoticed, to actually wanting to date me. I wanted to be noticed so badly. It finally happend, and now, I'm kinda sick of it.

I realy don't want another guy to think that calling me pretty, showering me with any type of similar compliment excessivley will get any type of footage towards a relationship with me. Now, I am not saying I dont apprieciate the occasional compliment, however, attempting to adrorn me with typical banter and pickup lines that someother girl prolly heard just a few days ago.... not gunna work.  I just feel like if the only nice things a guy can say to me are on a physical basis then that means he probably doesn't care about much else anyways.

Compliment my mind. Talk to me. I like good converstation. I really apprieciate the guys that take the time to understand me and not just treat me as a lady should be treated, treat me like I (Sophia) should be treated. It makes such a huge difference.

I am working on the my ultimate love poem. This will be fore the man that will hold my heart. I don't know who he is yet, but I can't wait to find out.

I want him to make me feel like  this.......

listen to the song here :)
MUSIQ SOULCHILD- SO BEAUTIFUL

This is a first. i have never written a poem directly in my blog. I normally write it in a personal journal and after a few days of editing, if i decide, to share it, it comes here.  Here is my unedited attempt to poetically respond to the story of this song with a little help of past personal expiriences. this is as raw as it gets. enjoy.

I have had enough.
 I'm tired of the tears.
I'm tired of the anger.
 I'm tired of being belittled and having my emotions tried
and my heart tied in a knot.
 as if I have forgot all the painful lies and sleepless nights where i cried way to a williowing clutter of confusion. 

We lack fusion and depth of a relationship is a far distant illusion.
We parted and never found a solution
 so were are just a solute with undissolved tension
I approach the next step with apprehension
I approach the next move with tactful words
because I know what hurt they bring
I know the magnitude of its power
as the fury rolls on


You say feelings are unjustifiable means of proof
but what happens when my feelings are true
When they're all about you and nothing makes more sense than the way I do and do not feel about you
I am in no means confuzed
In no way unsure
I've never been one to ever give up so this will be a first....


I'll move on to were all the worries are gone and I can live free in the comfort of a bright future.
where my soul can be housed in the hands of the deserving.
 with this I bid you adieu, but before I conclude
 i want to wish you all the best 
dont you forget
 I will always love you.

                                                  Common- i want you

just a thought......


What really makes an individual "individualistic"?

Our ears are always flooded with these phrases - Be yourself, be unique, stand out, etc.


What doest that really mean? Why does it matter? Why should I care?

I dont believe this at all. We are a very self driven and cocieted society. "Daring to be different" is not anything new in the jist of it. There is not much one can do to be hailed as a revolutionary unless they do something the world has never seen, heard, or had the confidence to change. That is what makes people like Martian Luther King Jr. So revered. And even then, it still took the support of many to make such an impact. So to all of those futuristic nut huggin pants swaggin guys and "i wanna be a Barbie" girls out there, YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING SPECIAL. get over it.

We are all really quite the same.

Lets take a look at human anatomy. Or even further into the topic :genetics.
There are few genes ( around a dozen) that regulate the outcomes of our bodies. On those genes, there are extremley subtle differences that actually make us phyically and physiogically distiguishably different. For example one strand on one gene with differentiate one of the many factors that determine skin color. All of these differences are so slight that it if you were to compile all the differences between one human being to the next, we would be at least 90% the same. These slight differences in phenotype creates an increased chance for overlap, which is why there are people who have such similar qualities of the body internally and externally. ( ie why some people look alike and have the same diseases) The variation of these traits are sometimes expected more than others when comparing dominant and recessive genes, yet still the differences are slight. Some of these slight changes make large impacts, such as the single strand of variation that can cause a mulititude of different mental illnesses or physical disabilities. Physiologically we are really quite similar. We are all made of the same elements. All conisited of about 96% water, meet the same chemical needs for survival, forgo the same internal chemical reactions.


As far as psychological and social individuality, its more of a humanistic way to attempt to capture pride of one's self = FASHION. Even still the differences are not that varied or vast. Fashion is really just a long winded series of small changes to eventually make something "new" or "trendy". For example, people wanted to wear bell bottom jeans for long time, and they slowly gained lesser approval as fashion designers favored a more slim legged pant. So its still jeans and look practically the same until you compare the portion below the knee. Being "fashionable" in its self is just following a social norm, diminishing the thought of being unique. There may be pieces, items, or hair styles that are less common, yet still follow the social trends of the time for the most part.

There was a girl that was sitting in one of my classes. Her hair was so spikey I could barely see over the top of her head. I wanted to move seats, but there were no more seats left. I asked her if she didnt mind moving over to the left or right so that I could possibly see a little better. She refused, grew angry and proceeded to tell me how sick she was of people " not apprieciating her individuality". She felt like me asking her to move herself so that her head was out of my path of vision to view the notes on the board, was really a stand against her "self expression"....
SIGH

I really dont know how her spikey hair makes her more individualistic than the other gillion people that have spikey hair. And what does that have to do with me needing to see the board infront of me.



This pychosocial phenomena of individualism leads to a greater social force of nationalistic views. Having pride in ones self and people that they identify with is a great part of maintaining culture and heritage, however, I just feel like everyone's great desire to be "individualistic" is really jus tthe same persuit in a different facade. Everyone wants to be heard. Everyone wants to be seen. Everyone wants their "uniqueness" to count for something. But if you strip everyone within a culture down to is minimalistic needs of staining qualities, we would all be the same really. Why not embrace those similarities instead of going through this constant differation and segregation?

The fact that we all have something that makes us "unique" is a quality. And the fact that we all share this quality is a uniform trait. 

so...

All those lines of division to create "fashion" is all from a consensus of interests anyways....  so why does it really matter?

just sayin


sophia camille