Posted by sophia - - 4 comments

I have learned one thing this week which has fortified my purpose in life, and maybe altered  on what I will consider as my methods of action.

I am a pleaser. On the outside looking in, I bend over backwards for people. I care too much. And I'm too sensitive. Really, I just love to care. I like to be there for my family and friends.

I told someone today that I usually tend to take peoples' actions and care about peoples' feelings more seriously than others can comprehend.

He told me to stop.

I said I can't. I do there for I am.

Its like this : How can I just stop being who I am. I believe every  person's actions are tied to a personal reason. I don't think people wake up and do things throughout the day with out having some sort of motivation.

 I can't stop because I don't walk around with out a purpose....

And I expect the same out of others... but maybe I expect too much?
Maybe too much of our population are not used to open bigheartedness? Maybe its a forgien language of the soul? Or maybe I'm really alone on this one?

I am a pleaser. Its what I do. Pleasing is how I show I care.  I like to feel wanted, and love to feel needed.
I want to make people happy for a living.

Its what I do best, and unfortunaltey, the one thing I know I am good at, has become more of a handicap.

I have been working relentlessly to get things done that I need to do, all the while, I penciled in every scrap of my free time to everyone else I care about for the past two weeks.  Crazy? yes. Regret it? yes and no. yes, im tired, but at least they all know I care.

And yeah, maybe I care too much about what people think about me. But I never want to have a moment in time where anyone can think I will not be there for them in someway somehow. I genuinley want to see the people around me be happy. But I don't wanna be stressed either...

so...

With the next two weeks being as busy as they are, I'm going to have "sophia time" and push all the suckas behind. JUST KIDDING... but really. I'm going to focus on what  really matters... now I gottta figure out what all that means ;o)

  In the meantime, Im just gunna vibe in, and tune out... This song is much to fitting.


MY UMI SAYS- MOS DEF
lyrics
peace and love

4 Responses so far.

  1. Chris says:

    Hey Sophia, I feel like you were talking to me directly through this post. You basically told my life story. I feel like someone gave you a copy of my life story.lol. I am in that same position and sometimes it drives me crazy feel down on myself when people don't treat me like I treat them. Some people tell me to stop being so nice and I wont get burnt but I cant stop being nice. Like you said in your blog. To stop being nice is like denying who I am, and my purpose. I cant allow anyones action change who I am. Sophia you just don't understand this blog touched me tonight. its really hard to put in words... I put myself out there so much, but I at the end of the day what do I have? ugh.. I dont know..

  2. sophia says:

    yeah ive been really torn up about all of this for about two weeks now. it just came to its climax this week. Had me to an "at tears" point. but i just had to see, this is me, and thats all i can be. ive been doing what i know how to do best, and its weird being criticized by something you feel so strongly about.

    im happy that i could connect with you on this one chris, thanks for reading

  3. Chris says:

    You were near tears>? I have felt like that before. I guess this year has really been a year of re-evaluating friendships, and learning how to better self manage myself(I know it sound funny but its true). I have learned to never allow anothers actions change who I am but I can also learn from people that have those actions towards me. I find it if a person has certain tendency's (I know you know what I am talking about), I learn how to control myself when it comes to dealing with their issues. I will still treat them with love and respect and help them when I can, but I can't allow myself to drop everything on a dime to meet their needs. You will catch yourself over extending yourself and it eventually will collapse on you. I feel like that is what you experience this past week. It collapsed on you, and you then started really understood the situation for what it was. It was very hurtful to realize the truth.
    This past year I had to re evaluate who I considered "best friend." I had the concept a little off. The person I thought was a best friend really was a "situational friend." A situational friend is a term I made up that basically describes a friend when things are going good. Its a person that is your friend when both of yall are agreeing on the same things, or when nothing of significants is going on. They are your friend as long as you are in the business of helping them out or do something for them. One thing about situational friends is that they only do things thats either; beneficial, or convenient to them.
    Sophia we feel the hurt and the pain when that person, who we are always there for, not because we want something in return but because we do it out of love doesn't show the same love back. I had to realize that my best friend wasn't really a best friend. They were a situational friend. I still treat them with love and respect but I am sure not to over extend myself to them. Coming to this realization has been a huge blessing for me. I had people around already that met that real friend quality and didn't even know it because I was so busy over extending myself to my situational friend(s). It is still a process that I am still working through but I feel like I am on a good track right now.. thats really why your blog really touched me. I really felt like you were really reading a page out of my life.

  4. sophia says:

    yeah this was geard towards two good people in my life that i am no longer friends with. One i had to leave and one dismissed herself. funny thing is, my compassion was at fault with both.

    im happy you enjoyed my posting. invite others you know to read :)

    peace and love