@sophiacamille

On my way home I realized something: the moon is a perfect symbol of my life .



I have a lot of things that have taken a toll on me withing my lifetime thus far, however, as the moon still stands whole with its multitude of craters, I too still remain in my entirety, well rounded no matter how much things have changed. All of the experiences I have had, have shaped me into the unique person I am. I just revolve in my own orbital living in sync with my own necessities and clearly aware how my actions affect my self and others.

The moon shines greater than any star in the sky. Its larger and more recognized as the stars are just fiery balls waiting to implode on themselves. I am finding this comparison reflective of the relationship i have with some people in my life now. I never make a conscious effort to outshine or outdo others for the sake of selfish self gratification, but my accomplishments of just helping others, and embracing the gift of humility that comes from it, has allowed me to not have to work so hard to be noticed. People notice me for what I do, not who I am. People who focus more on who they are, normally get really heated and worn out and eventually give up on whatever it was they were attempting to recognized for.

This doesn't mean that I am not proud of my accomplishments. I have no problem of saying so. I really am happy for all that i have done, but I am more happy knowing that my accomplishments have helped more people than just myself.

So as I am venturing on for the rest of my senior year, I am proud to move on in my process to become a member of a service sorority of like minded girls who care about maintaining a life time commitment of  helping others, and have a sense of pride in doing so.  We all have been shaped and uniquely unified into one well rounded unit, and like the moon, outshine the self centered individuals who wish they had a heart like ours.


just a thought,
@sophiacamille

If we all ask this question a little more, I can assure your thoughts will be more collected and your mind more rested. We often spend a lot of time spinning a movie reel in our minds of past occurrences, trying to make sense of the feelings that developed within the situation and trying to decipher the thoughts another person or others involved had. But how can we honestly move on from a situation, when we are busy thinking about what happened within it at a non-relevant time? How can we really forgive a person, if we devised our own assumptions on their unrevealed thoughts. 


We spend entirely too much trying to make sense of the things that are unknown.


For the things we really cant figure out, we apply a sense of fear. "Fear of the unknown" sounds very cliche but it is very true. We hold grudges and get defensive over things that are beyond our control or really dont need to be controlled in the first place. Our lives are an every changing kaleidescope of experiences, but the one thing that make them easier to live with is recognizing patterns and applying them. 


Our lives are entirely shaped by patterns that are learned and discovered though an array of different experiences. Most of the patterns we discover are intentional, repetitious, and can be willingly recreated. For example: talking, walking, writing, etc. These are all examples of things we have learned how to do through practice and experience and they have helped us to adapt to different things like holding a conversation and running. Each action has its own respective purpose. We learn to walk so we can run. We learn to talk so we can learn to relate. But what do we do about bad experiences?




The common thing to do when in a bad situation, is to just "forget about it".  Not to say that anything that causes stress should be avoided, however, why go through something and not identify its purpose?


Seeing purpose in the results of bad situations,relationships, and experiences,has let me see the character ive gained and the lessons learned. 


 Observing purpose in all I do has let me move past a bad situation knowing that, no matter how much I may think I lost, I gained a unique experience that can be used to relate to someone else. I gained character, and I gained a lesson learned. It makes a huge difference to keep your mind sharpened in this particular way so that when you reflect on the past bad relationships you have, your thoughts will be more oriented among positive and progressive thoughts. 


So in conclusion, if you want to better understand people, start to evaluate them by their purpose. People have played a roll in your life whether it was good or bad. It has shaped you in some way. If you cant think of a way that they have benefited you and you dont think you can gain any type of knowledge from the situation or person... move on.




Its really just that simple 




and just because, here is some robin thicke

He said he is going to love me

Three years ago, I would have heard this song and not cared due to not having a means to relate to it
One year ago, I would have been crying my eyes out at just hearing its melody.
Two months ago, I would have loathed the thoughts that came to mind as I reminisced though its words
But now.. I feel like I this song reflects the view as I look at my life from the greener grass on the other side.

I used to twirl in the "what could be's" and the "what if's" like obsessing over old news was going to somehow make a difference.
The instrumentals of this piece weave a fabric of passion that is equally aggressive as it has an upbeat tempo, but soft as it has the muted brass and the strings in the counter melody., illustrating the fervor and its counterpart of affection. The bass and the drums setting the pace... symbolizing the inevitable passing of time progressing to something and gaining further substance with each step.... And the electric and acoustic guitar along with the piano unfolding the running solo of the piece showing how two unique feelings can blend into unison.....

The words of the song are a mere reflection of my heart now. It is in effect equal, but opposite. I am the same person to the extent of my superficial personality, but my heart has changed. My core has changed. Its been totally washed clean with the love of Christ. I don't see sadness or despair, I see my journey... away from the issues that kept me so grounded in a non productive way, and towards something much farther, and much higher... I recognize how those things that affected me in my past only paved my way to where I stand now...


I cant tell you how great the view is

Im really annoyed.

So used to have this bad habit. I used to feel like I had to be in a relationship. I felt like there was some type of value in being "attached" to someone. I went through life generally unnoticed until college. I craved attention for so long, and when I got, I made the "want" become a "need".

Everytime I dated someone or got interested in someone, things fell through for whatever reason.  You think after a while I would have got the picture....

I kept doing the same thing, and expecting different results. I was dating in denial...

I learned more about relationships when I took the step to intentionally be single. During my fast, my eyes and heart opened to alot of new perspectives on dating.

Here is a scenario where my altered perception was put in action.

One week, I receive a phone call from a good friend. He tells me he met a girl at a party two weeks ago and he felt like they had a good connection. He asked her out to dinner to get to know her better. By the end of the date, he felt like they had an even better connection. They continued to do things together for the next week and a half, and thus, my friend began to pursue her , assuming that day they were starting to date. And by that next wednesday, my friend tells me, the girl said she would rather just hang out with him as a friend and does not feel the connection....

The next week thursday, this same friend says that he emails another girl he has been very close to a love note. He admitted to having a keen interest in her for quite sometime, and wanted to know if she felt the same way.  The very next day, he contacts me in a somber voice and basically says that the girl feels the same way as the last girl did. In defense and in attempt to convince her otherwise, he told her of all the things he did to show her love and appreciation and how much more he wanted to be there for her. He told me he was  "upset but not hurt".

The problem with both of these situations is the thing that makes most dating situations fall apart before they even begin. Thinking that there is some sort of signal or action flare that can go up to alert someone of a potential relationship is the BIGGEST lie we all have bought into, are buying into, or will, if you havent allready.  There has to be a foundation: true friendship.  A relationship is an intimate friendship, so it seems pretty backwards to have a relationship, then try and get to know each other later.

The second problem is having a predetermined intentions to gain a particular response of, in this case, to cater to his self interest. My friend felt like, but doing certain things, not only will he get to know the person better, but he's good deeds will add up to "brownie points", therefore, making some sort of tangible value to why that person should have interest. But, to be frank, no one can MAKE someone gain interest in another person. My friend said he even gave her money for her car note and phone bill.,,,, And the letter was to symbolize how serious he was about his feelings. Before the letter, she interpreted the actions my friend made towards her as a display of friendship, because that is what he said it was and they had a mutual understanding. He sends her this letter, and suddenly expects her to change her mind  when nothing has really changed between them... He felt like a letter would change it all. That only works in the movies.

The third big hit, is being hurt by rejection. I dealt with it before. And it was rough the first time, and I vowed never to let it happen again. It doesnt make me cold or heartless, but sensible. When you emotionally expose yourself, your are susceptible to a positive or negative response which have a equal likelihood. So its really just about accepting whatever happens. So when he said he was upset, but not hurt... i called his bluff. Him being upset showed it stirred him emotionally and being hurt showed that he internalized a negative reaction. Had he just accepted it as a simple outcome, it would sever the possibility of being crushed.

And lastly, there is great power in knowing how to walk alone. My friend juggled between relationships because he was not content with himself as he was. Two people are complete as two whole people. It would make no sense to be able to only give half of yourself to another person. A real relationship consists of two people who are equal in depth and and whole in their manner.

Its all about waiting for that right person to come along, instead of adjusting relationships in with a particular intent in mind. Dating is for little kids. Adults build relationships.

So i pray that as time goes on, my friend will eventailly find that special someone, and well,   I hope I do too

I have come to a fork in the road on my walk in faith.